I’m not sure its a habit as much as it is a quirk/charecteristic but I wish I wasn’t SO bi-polar in life. Now I am not bi-polar in that I have a mental illness what I mean is that there is not grey area for me. EVERYTHING is black or white. I either love or hate, never like. I’m either happy or sad, no so-so. I either am so worried and careful or I’m completely careless. Not sure when or how this started but I’ve been that way since I was a kid. I don’t believe in trying. You either do it or you don’t.
I, Rosemary Perez, officially give the heck up on oil paint! I tried to paint today, but i just cannot get into it. I end up full of paint and I try to clean it off it just smears and now I have a big black line across my boob, yellow all over my wrist and red on my cheek. hate oils!
most people dont realize that my favorite band is a tie. a tie between n.e.r.d and…….the deftones! i have been in love with deftones since 7th grade. i have even braved the pit at a show, yes i think i almost died about 30 times but being up against that rail surround by sweaty meatheads was worth it to hear chinos voice in my ear. and he totally gave me water lol! the security gaurd was awesome too, I felt like he was my personal body gaurd bc if anyone pushed too hard he’d take em out
I have been very blessed to be able to have amassed such a large group of friends. and not just hey how are you, see eachother in the grocery store friends…pick you up from the airport, help you move, getting kicked out of spa, know the majority of your secrets type of friends.
Cupcakin comes from my twitter name which started out as a joke but now I’ve grown attached to it lol. Talking to a friend about strippers I said I wonder what’d be my stripper name? He said bambi cupcakes. So when I made my tumblr I wanted to keep the name but changed it up to cupcakin which also happens to be one of my very favorite things to do!
1. My middle name was the name of my mothers childhood best friend who drowned.
2. My natural hair color is a reddish brown not nearly as dark as it is now.
3. My first dog was name poppies but she bit me in the face :(
4. The first time I remember drinking was drinking what looked like apple juice to me but was in face beer left over from the keg my parents put in the fridge. I was like 7ish
5. In 2nd grade I had a pair of sneakers w zippers…in the little pockets I kept pics of ppl I liked lol.
6. Cleaning makes me feel relaxed. I don’t like a mess.
7. I have a habit or rearranging everything every 3 months or so, something I picked up from my mom. It makes me feel. Better
8. I have never dressed up as something that wasn’t dead or “paranormal” for halloween…with the exception of sheerah in day care.
9. I love orange juice w lots of pulp more than any other juice
10. I orig planned to attend univ of the pacific for arts & entertainment mgmt but only got 12k in fin aid when tuition was 32k
11. I miss watching wheel of fortune w my grandma
12. No one taught me how to do makeup. In face the day of my quincenera no one even thought to take me to get my makeup done or at least buy makeup appropriate for my skintone. That has always really bothered me.
13. I was not allowed to have candles in my room after I accidently set all this construction paper on fire
14. My youngest sister and I wear the same shoe size
15. I used to keep a baggie of salt in my room near my bed because I read that if u gave a zombie salt they wouldn’t kill you or something like that (this is 3rd grade) the zombie thing came from my cousin JJ telling me my house was built on a cemetery.
If you knew the thoughts that brewed in my mind every time you touched me Then maybe you would understand why I act how I act and why I say what I say. The tighter you held me the less I felt fear The harder you kiss me the more I felt secure But now that I have had time to sit and explore the pieces of our relationship I realize You will never understand. Perhaps when you felt me touch you all you felt was a touch. When I kissed you all you felt were lips. No sense of romance no sense of bliss. With this realization in hand I am walking away From you and your inability to feel me From you and your ability to fill me Fill me full of uncertainty, insecurity Offering no way to appease me No way to bring me down to reality You left me to float in all my doubts Violently gasping for air I feel my heart suffocating I sink deeper and deeper But I am not worried. The deeper I sink the further away from you I get. This is my last letter to you, one you will never read Not because I don’t want you to but because you are not worthy.
I never knew I had it in me to be the crazy ex gf…until this week happened. I found myseld driving to his house thurs after work! Get there, freeze up and all I can manage to do is scribble “idk what to do anymore…!” On my paystub (I had no paper in my car) and then fri comes and he doesn’t contact me. By this time I’ve had 5 days to accept that we are done, all I was after was an actual verbal “we are done” that’s it! Friday after work, after 5 of my coworkers telling me to go and knock on the door I find myself doing that. I park and walk up to his door I’m feeling like I’m going to faint or piss myself I’m not sure which! He’s not home. I give his brother and envelope to give to him. Fri night ….nothing. now I’m just mad at this point. How the fuck are you going to spend 6 months with me and then just block my number?! See what happened was Monday I had a girls day @ the spa which included lots and lots of wine from 1p-6p. Well 2am tues mornig I find myself the bigget drunken mess and I remember calling him but do not remember what I said. ok so on the drive back home from the luau I had 2 of my brothers w me and I’m telling them the whole story. One of them says call from my phone. I hesitate…they convince me to call. I do and no answer. We are passiing his exit they tell me call again! I said no. I’ve done all I can think of. He knows how to find me I feel like I’m just being crazy. He dials on his own. I’m like fuck pls hang up! But he answers… m: come outside. D: you’re at my house? M: no but I’m passing…I’m going home from a party d: I’m leaving work. I got your notes what is going on?! M: wtf do you mean? I’m freaking the fuck out you blocked my calls! I’ve spent the last 5 days wondering wtf I said to you I can’t even concentrate on anything! I haven’t even been eating. I literally feel sick you have me doing shit id never normally do. I am going crazy! D: what? I didn’t block your number! And I know you’re not crazy what is going on! Call right now from your phone I never blocked! M: *calls* call goes through…I’m not crazy. My shit was blocked! D: you know what? Let’s just get married m: fuck you don’t try to make me laugh! D: I’ve been dealing with so much at home more than what I told you m: I know. But I’m not an extra chore! I shouldn’t be something to add to your stress. D: I know but you know I don’t share my emotions like that m: idk. You don’t even know how I’ve been feeling! D: I’m going to call you when I get home. We need to talk. I’ve been leading you in the wrong direction. M: wtf does that mean? U have another gf? What? D: no no not at all. We just need to talk. HE DIDN’T FUCKING CALL. And I’m not calling him. I’m not texting him. I had already been prepping myself to forget him and since I talked to him I am no longer freaking out. I care for him and all that but I’m not going to keep putting myself through the ups and downs if they’re always going to be so constant. In all fairness to each of us we warned eachother of these hangups his is going mia and not sharing feelings (which he does to everyone not just me) and mine was being anxious and needy. I pinky promised my brothers who were with me I wouldn’t call or text him for at least a week. So I won’t. Everything with him just became so intense. I hate the fact that I cannot control the intensity of all my emotions with him. I can be so angry w him but when I see him I just smile. I hate that. After spending the last hr talking to my good friend he says we just need to get married lmao. And that eventually he will appreciate I didn’t give up on him….but I doubt it. And I’m ok with the outcome of all this. My encounter w my crazy ex gf side was shortlived and not welcome to show itself again lol! But in the end letting my feelings be known did wonders for me.
She asked me if I love him. I hesitated for a while. All I could say was I really like him. An hour later he decides to make me feel differently. Right now I don’t even give a damn about him. I’m an independent person but I hate to feel that if I needed someone to depend on he is not even in the running. I can’t count on him for anything besides sneaking in my bed in the early morning. I’m so irritated right now. I wish he understood how simple it is to make me happy but he keeps ignoring what I tell him. He’s going on the blacklist. Def not ready to meet my family
That he is someone I actually want to take home and introduce to my family is just hitting me. Still trying to get out of prior commitments so he can come w me but just the face that I WANT him to come is a big deal. Out of all the bfs I’ve had my mom knew 1 simply bc he was my best friends cousin, and talked to another on the phone. I usually keep my romantic life very secret I feel like if someone I’m dating reaches that level of importance in my life then that’s when I introduce him to my family. He is at that level for me now. I imagine the 2.5hr drive there would be me going through all my family members trying to give him background on them. My entire family knows he exists and they’re very excited to meet him and have been literally asking me everyday.
Hold her when she wants to be held don’t yell @ her when she’s just trying to love you…don’t take her kindness for weakness don’t put her down lift her up that’s the worst thing u could do to someone you love…tell her she looks beautiful - vivian green ‘beautiful’
After we got home from the club last night we were just talking and I’m like this is all so crazy bc I never expected to like you like this ever and he agreed I was just supposed to be the kickit girl lmao but anyways back to the story! he admits he needs to work on his calling back but I need to work on my going crazy and I agree.I guess it just scares me to know just how much of my heart he holds in his hands and I’m already an anxious person as it is so I turn into a mess after a day or 2 of not hearing from him. I’m a needy person and I readily admit it. That’s never going to change I require constand affection from my significant other. Dancing with him I felt like no one else existed even though we were surrounded by people. All I saw was him. The way he’d blow on my face and hold my hair up (bc I was dying it was hot!) Was cute. He held me sooo close to him I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. The way he’d kiss my shoulder and back of my neck when he’d be behind me drove me crazy! he handled one of my best friends pretty well too lol she had been drinking so she was on one telling him if he hurts me shed break him I was like this 0_0. I met his cousin and she’s fun I liked her! Once it was time to go home he walked me to my car and we kissed and there were lots of I love yous. Then I get home and sit in my car for an hour on the phone w him and talk about everything and anything. BEING IN LOVE IS THE BEST AND WORST FEELING
talking to someone who is not my boyfriend but at one point he had my heart…I haven’t heard his face since january and he saw me tweet something and he called me and I’m really suprised at how quickly he changed my mood…and how much I missed him. Glad we can still have this relationship.
I hate the way my pillows smell like you. I hate the way you give me the “no you don’t” look everytime some song comes out on my ipod. I hate how you never understand me when I talk to you in spanish. I hate how you always reply in this babytalk voice with one of the few spanish words you know, it never makes sense. I hate when you look at me when you get to the bottom of the staircase and say I love you one last time. I hate it how I recognize your knock. I hate how you sing to me when you hug me and the first thing out of your mouth is either I’ve missed you or you look so good. I hate when you tell me you love my body. I hate when you push my hair out of my face. UGH
We share the best sex. THEEEEE best. Ever. Its just so passionate. I can kiss him for hours, and I do. When I bite his bottom lip I sneak and open my eyes his eyes roll back his eyes flutter. I run my fingers lightly on his face, to the back of his head. He grabs me by the waste squeezes and squeezes runs his hands down my back he grabs my ass and this is always when I pull his hands away. He grabs me by my wrists and now I’m on my back he’s over me my hands above my head he teases me with his kisses it drives me insane when he kisses me on my neck and chest and he knows this. I get a hand free and touch the side of his face and kiss him as deeply as I can. He turns me over pulls up my bouse and kisses my shoulders and all the way down the small of my back. This tickles me and I always squirm, but at the same time I love it and I try to stay still but I can’t. He’s laughing at me giggling. I can see him bc one of my closets are huge mirrors lol. This is what we do for hours. This is why I don’t care if I get 2 or 3hours of sleep before work. Why I don’t care that he comes over at 3 or 4am after work. Then we lay side by side, he pulls me close andi lay my arm over his chest my head always ends up right over his heart and I tap my finger on his chin to go w the beating of his heart. This is the time we share our secrets. Sometimes they’re silly secrets sometimes they’re secrets that make us cry. This is the part we finally sleep but really I don’t sleep he does though and has me in this like crazy tight grip when I move he wakes up w this sad look and asks where I’m going. I say nowhere kiss him and he goes back to sleep. Sometimes he wakes up and catches me listening to his heartbeat, which he says is saying “I love you” this is why it is so hard for me to walk away …